Parenting Class

I completed my adoption training class this weekend.  Sixteen hours of training on how to parent an internationally adopted child.  I think all parents should be required to take a class before starting a family.  It is ironic that a fifteen year old can have a baby in the back seat of a car without much thought at all and those of us who desperately want them have to jump through so many hoops.
I was hoping that our group would become close as I have heard so many families do after their intense weekend of training.  Our group was so diverse and they were all from up north.  One family was a missionary couple adopting a teenager from the Philippine Islands and the other was a Korean/Vietnamese couple adopting a Chinese baby. 

After taking this class and reading up on adoption, I feel a sense of sadness about removing Yi Mei from her culture.  I know the adoption process in itself causes trauma for the child.  I also feel sad that I won't be able to give her a dad, sibling or cousins  I especially grieve that my parents are so old- I want my mom to be healthy enough to be "Oma" to Yi Mei and for Yi Mei to know her German roots.  Though I know she will have more opportunities than she would ever have as an orphan in China,  I long for her to experience the joy of having siblings and cousins.  When this weighs heavy on my heart, I have to trust God will heal Yi Mei's abandonment.  I also trust that He can make up for all that I can not provide and will do more  than I can ask or imagine.

Up to My Ears

At the very onset of summer vacation , I began filling out forms and more forms.  Employment verification, financial disclosure, medical history, credit history, legal history and more.  I had to submit to a criminal background check and finger printing, as well as  ask six friends to write personal references. All these documents had to be completed prior to my home study.   Now I will begin the final and most time consuming part of the process, completing the dossier.  Up until this summer, I had never even heard of a dossier and now it is part of my everyday conversation.  A Dossier is essentially your life story. 

I  thought I would list out some of the things I will be working on just to give you an idea of how much is involved...

*Complete 10 hours of training on international adoption
* Write an 8-10 page autobiography
*Write application letter
*Physical and blood test
*Obtain certified copy of birth certificate
*Write a letter on my view of marriage (requirement for singles)
*Letters from employer (completed)
*Letters of recommendation(completed)
*Copies of tax returns (completed)
*Letter from bank and bank statements
*Write statement verifying I am heterosexual
*Have passport photos taken
*Power of Attorney forms
*Police clearance letter(completed)
*Immigration clearance
*Fingerprints/background checks (one complete, need FBI fingerprinting)

All of the documents I have to collect must also be notarized, certified, and/or authenticated... so you can see why I will be up to my ears in paperwork!

Nesting

I have been staying up very late this past week.  I am so fortunate to have summer to devote to this adoption and I have been throwing myself into it full force. 

I have had the urge to sort through everything.  I have heard this is what happens when you are expecting.  I guess the same thing happens when you are adopting.  Even though technically you are not with child, you are pregnant with expectation.  As I have been cleaning out my closets, I have found that I have way too much clothes!!!  I have four closets full of clothes, plus a dresser in Yi Mei's room.  Something has to give, if I want to make room for her clothes/toys.

I have also decided that Yi Mei needs a special bedroom.  Even though the guest bedroom has flowered wall paper and already looks like a girl's room, I want her to love her bedroom when she first comes home.  Rhonda and I painted the walls lime green.  I found some cute pink valences with hearts and the perfect bedspread on sale.  I also found some green/pink dragonfly decals that were reduced from $20 to $2.  I felt the valences, bedspread and decals were all little gifts from God- His way of expressing delight over my decision to become a parent. Rhonda and Tony bought Yi Mei a beautiful ceiling fan that just completes the room. The room looks so cute now!  Every time I walk down the hall, I find myself wanting to stop in to take a peek.

It Takes a Village

It has been an incredible past few days!  God has confirmed my decision to adopt in so many ways.  I have had seven people offer to throw me a shower. Nancy went out and bought Yi Mei a storage system for her toys, ribbons for her hair, underwear, a princess blanket and socks- I am now set with all the essentials. She also had an extra bed that is the most beautiful girl's bed that I have ever seen.  Yi Mei will really feel like a princess now.  Jackie Mc Kain brought over clothes that Katie has grown out of and my friend Genene gave me the most gorgeous roses.  The roses were two-tone, yellow with red piping.  In the center she placed a single red rose representing Yi Mei and all the love surrounding her. 

I was at a barbecue at Debby's house tonight and my girlfriend's spouses were just as excited as their wives.  Sandy's daughter who I have only met once, sent me money to help bring Yi Mei home.  All this love and support has meant the world to me, as my own family can not embrace the idea just yet.  Suzann sent me a wonderful card stating "Remember you are not alone, it takes a village to raise a child and we are your village".

Woo Hoo!

Tonight was the night of my much anticipated home study.  The home study is when a social study comes to your home for several meetings to determine if you are ready for parenthood.  Even though the adoption books portray the home study as if it were a very difficult examination, I didn't get too worked up about it.  After receiving much well meaning advice about how to prepare for this event,  I decided not to do any of it.  I figured that I would be most comfortable being myself and if I failed this exam than adoption must not be God's will for me.  Not to mention the fact that I was gone all day and had no time to put even slice and bake cookies in the oven.  However, I put new batteries in the smoke detectors, made a first aid kit and displayed some cabinet locks and outlet covers to prove that I was a safety conscious parent.  I even made sure to put out the adoption books that I have been reading.

My social worker, Joann, was rather laid back about the whole event.  She obviously hadn't read the answers to the questions I carefully prepared and submitted, as she asked the exact same questions. Since I had made a couple stops in the office already, she said we only had to meet one more time and that we would use that time to proofread her work.  I thought to myself, surely this couldn't be all there is to it- surely she will ask to see my home or inquire about my first aid kit.  At the risk of sounding too cocky, I mentioned that it sounded like I had already passed the home study.  She said that Holt does such a thorough job screening, that anyone who gets this far is considered approved.  Now I am really glad that I didn't get too worked up about this whole thing!

My Little Girl

I took Yi Mei's report to the pediatrician today.  I was anxious to hear his take on the Chinese report.  The agency gives you a week to change your mind and I was counting on today's appointment to make my official decision.  The doctor confirmed that Yi Mei was a healthy little girl with no developmental delays.  He also said that a deformed auricle is not a huge issue in Western countries and that she may not even need surgery.  If she has an ear canal, they may try to restore hearing. If not, she will live a normal life with one good hearing ear.  This was report was music to my ears!

Holt also put me in touch with another family that adopted a girl with the same condition.  Evidently this little girl is thriving and the surgery was only a matter of putting tubes in her ears. I was very grateful for this phone call and for the encouragement of Jackie and Nancy. I was reminded  that if everybody waited until they had enough money to start a family, nobody would become a parent.

It is official.  I am adopting Lu Yi Mei. From hear on out, it will be a journey of faith.  Faith that God will provide enough money for this adoption and to cover her medical needs/insurance when she gets here. 

After pouring over many name books, I have decided to keep her Chinese name.  It is a beautiful name and it just doesn't seem right to take away her history.  Her middle name will be Elise, which means God's promise.

 Friends have already commented that she looks like me with her haircut.  I find this pleasantly amusing.

"Delight in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart"